020 From Self-doubt to influence: How to overcome blocks and fears in your PR efforts
PR done well with passion, purpose, and strategic intent will transform your business. PR done well will help elevate your professional personal brand in the marketplace. PR done well will help unlock your potential on many, many fronts. But to do PR well as an ambitious business owner, as a purpose led solopreneur, you can have the best strategy under the sun. But if you don't get off your behind and take action, then nothing's going to happen.
TREVOR YOUNG:And that's where people come unstuck. Often it's not for the want of trying. For most people, it's not slackness. Again, you're running a business, you're a motivated individual, but maybe there are roadblocks that are holding you back. In short, if you want to nail your PR in your business and with your brand, you're going to need to have some skin in the game.
TREVOR YOUNG:You're going to want to have to put yourself out there online via the content you publish or the comments you make on social media or face to face at events or in boardroom presentations or maybe from the stage at industry conferences and the like. Whatever the channel, public relations is a 3 60 degree contact sport that requires you, the business owner, to be front and centre. But for some reason, you're not doing it. For whatever reason, you're holding yourself back. You might even be out there online doing stuff.
TREVOR YOUNG:But are you pulling your punches? Why? Well, that's what we're about to find out. Not only that, we're going to discuss some solutions as well. And to help us navigate these roadblocks so we can develop a true PR mindset and unlock the potential of our business through public relations, content, and digital communications.
TREVOR YOUNG:Please welcome my expert guest for this episode. Her name is Mel Belmont, and also known as Mel B. Mel B is a coach and a mindset mentor who helps people to gain clarity, confidence and commitment to follow through as they grow their influence and create more impact in the marketplace. Welcome to the show, Mel. This is a pretty big problem.
TREVOR YOUNG:Credible entrepreneurs and thought leaders playing small because of a host of reasons, but much of it comes down to mindset.
Mell B:I completely agree. This is one of my favorite things to talk about. How do we how do we feel safe to show up? And if we talk about the concept of PR or what is PR? It's being seen more as a brand, as a business.
Mell B:And the downside of being more visible is that we might be judged more. We might be called out more. We have fears that we don't even realize are holding us back. So I'd love to help some people be more comfortable being visible doing their PR activities.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yeah. And and there's so many visibility takes so many forms, as I I said at the outset. You know? It's it's the content you create, and that's probably scary for a few people. Live streaming probably scares the pads off most people.
TREVOR YOUNG:You know, even being on podcasts like this, being interviewed for, you know, a local newspaper, for example, or doing a talk is PR. Writing a book is PR. All of these things are PR elements, and it means you're putting yourself out there, and that's where the the roadblocks are. What what do you see with people? I mean, I get the feeling that really the more credible you are, the longer you've been in the game.
TREVOR YOUNG:You know, you've got runs on the board, the scuffs on the knees and the knuckles. You're hardened. You've been out there, and they're the people running, you know, businesses and but less likely to put themselves out there. Is this something you're seeing?
Mell B:Well, I mean, there was two parts to that question. What is credibility? Yes. You might have been in it longer, but perhaps you're more comfortable with that level of exposure because you've been in that a bit longer. Maybe you've had some experiences where either your fears didn't eventuate.
Mell B:You went, oh, that actually wasn't that bad. There was more love out there and support and camaraderie, and other people thinking similar thoughts to maybe that thought, challenging concept or position or philosophy that you released into the world, and you didn't pull a punch. So sometimes it's challenging our own thinking and going, I'm gonna do this anyway, and then I will address any possible fallout that may or may not come from that. And the second thing is that kinda inner resolve and the resilience of, well, people didn't agree with me or people did challenge my thoughts, but I didn't die from that.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:Actually, it wasn't as scary having somebody disagree or having a different opinion. So that piece about credibility, maybe maybe it's the confidence to stand up despite people challenging you that makes you credible. Thoughts?
TREVOR YOUNG:Yeah. I love that. That's a really good point. That's a really good point because and I guess to stand out today, you can't be vanilla. Vanilla is AI.
TREVOR YOUNG:AI, AI writing something is vanilla, and and a lot of people put stuff out, you know, for just to tick a box. We're not just talking about creating content, for example, just to tick a box. We're we're talking about carving out a a, maybe a thought leadership positioning or an expert positioning in the marketplace where, you know, you you do have to push a little harder. You gotta actually have thoughts. If you're gonna be a thought leader, you need leading thoughts.
TREVOR YOUNG:And so that that's interesting that you, that you're putting it out, but that that resilience piece. So let's unpack those too because do you see people that have had an issue in the past that they stuck their head up over the virtual parapet and something happened? Or is it more that they've come up through corporate ranks, maybe, and, you know, where it's all about mitigating risk and you'd actually don't say anything? Oh,
Mell B:what I wrote down was something in a different perspective. Maybe some people have that risk profile, and that has never crossed my desk. More of if many of us have shifted from some sort of corporate job, whatever corporate means any
TREVOR YOUNG:Yeah.
Mell B:Means anyway. But what I come across is people who've come out of that space as maybe a middle manager or supervisor, and they had some level of, ladder elevation that they have adopted a level of expertise because of the title or the position they hold. So that external judgment is less obvious because they've been promoted. They're in that role with some level of authority and insight. Right.
Mell B:But then when they step into the entrepreneurial world, who am I to talk about this completely different concept or this other topic or something that there are influencers, there are keynote speakers, there are TED talkers talking way deeper, maybe in our minds, more qualified, more whatever, more something than I am. So that imposter syndrome. That's what mostly comes across my desk.
TREVOR YOUNG:Right.
Mell B:Usually, they've shifted out of the corporate. They've come from a position of being respective, and now who am I in this big global world of social media or whatever platform? Who am I to talk about this and think I'm a thought leader?
TREVOR YOUNG:Yeah. One
Mell B:of the things that really irks me is when people, are generally, you don't call yourself thought leader. That's a little bit arrogant. A little bit.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yeah. But I agree.
Mell B:The activities you do is challenging the thoughts. So we're leading with new perspectives or takes on on subjects or problems. So what we're doing is of thought leadership, caliber. But I've I've seen people commenting on other people's comments about thought leadership with, you know, the the puke emoji, but, oh, that's gross. And it's like Yeah.
Mell B:That bugs me.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yeah.
Mell B:Don't we need innovation? Don't we need creative thinking? Don't we need to address some of the problems that exist? Therefore, we can't solve the problems with the same thing, and we need thought leadership.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:People who are like, oh, that's gross. Who are they? It's like, I think you're missing the point. I think that's that question. Sorry.
TREVOR YOUNG:No. But I like I I hear you. And and, yes, in a world of emojis, that that can carry a lot of perceived weight, in without any words, which is is powerful and scary. And I guess the other thing when you talk about people, if they've come out of corporate or they've been employed, for example, and their identity probably for quite a while, has been wrapped up in their title and the brand and the company or the organization that they work for. But if you are running your own business, there's nowhere to hide, and and you have to get out there and talk and, you know, drum up business and be visible, you know, unless you've you've, you know, struck it lucky and for some reason you got a million clients lining up your door sort of thing.
TREVOR YOUNG:But, so that I can understand how that really can manifest itself. But going back to what you're saying earlier about maybe you've had a bad experience in the past, What sort of experiences are they? Is it is it something that people went out on the social media early and and it didn't work for them? Is it probably more about public speaking? Is it more about an article they wrote that didn't, didn't land very well with someone?
Mell B:Okay. So here's a really ironic thing that comes up. It's so backwards in its simplicity of the challenge. So we start out, and you're right, it is in the early days. We start out with content of some sort.
Mell B:It doesn't matter where and how, but we show up in some way, and it lands flat or we don't get engagement or whatever happens. It doesn't reach. You haven't got the algorithm, whatever. And so, therefore, we define ourselves by those vanity metrics, and it stacks the evidence case of, who am I? No one's interested in what I have to say or, that wasn't very useful.
Mell B:Whatever we frame that lack of engagement or interest, that then validates the imposter syndrome that comes up. And so, therefore, when you've got a bit more history and, I guess, momentum behind you, then we're referencing back to the past. And this is the biggest problems humans have is we're never in the moment. We're either looking towards the future. We're living in the past.
Mell B:Well, that happened then, so I'm not gonna bother doing it now because I didn't get much traction then. I'm not gonna waste my time in it now. Even though, here's the ironic part, the visibility is what we want. We wanna reach more for whatever reason, but because we didn't get visibility, we've provided evidence that I'm not good at whatever or I shouldn't do this, and no one's interested in it. No one saw me even though we want it, and so we have this crazy circle of backwards thinking that doesn't move us where we wanna go.
Mell B:We've gotta have that, as I mentioned at the start, that resilience to go, that was then. That's where I wanna go. What do I have control of right now? I'm worrying about what people are seeing, are seeing, are thinking about me is irrelevant to where I'm at and where I wanna take things in the future for my life, my business.
TREVOR YOUNG:And I gotta tell you, you're fighting the algorithms, and chances are it's LinkedIn, and LinkedIn is getting a little harder to get engagement with today. But that's across the board, so don't take it personally. I sometimes do. But don't take it personally if if, you know, you put put some really good work out there and it doesn't go anywhere. That's that's just means that we've got to work hard.
TREVOR YOUNG:It doesn't mean we have to gain the algorithm or do anything like that. You still gotta put out your good stuff and find that tribe and and and connect with more people. And, you know, and and, you know, we're we're talking about creating content because that's a big deal. I think, you know, speaking and networking and getting out there and talking to people and putting in a phone call to someone who who might be an influencer or, you know, making pitching yourself to a podcaster or a, you know, pitching an opinion piece or an article idea to a vertical title that services your industry. So all of these things are wrapped up in this and, you know, getting out and speaking, of course, is is is a key to that as well.
TREVOR YOUNG:So it it manifests itself in a number of things because I guess if you're saying, look. I I want to that I've got a as a magazine that services my industry, I I feel that having a, you know, an article in there, being quoted in there, having, some visibility or presence in this key publication or publications, that means you're going to have to pitch something in. That means you're probably going to have to call someone, and follow it up. Again, that's that's hardcore for a lot of people unless they got someone doing it on their behalf.
Mell B:Yeah. And you're right. I I did focus on that content creation. But when people are ready to, as you say, step up to the the next level of exposure, visibility, and reach. Again, it it's interesting.
Mell B:It doesn't matter where we're at in life and business. There's always a next level. Yeah. Because that's the point of life. Evolving, growing, learning, expanding, whatever your word is, that's the point.
Mell B:People say, what is the meaning of life? To expand, to be more.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:That's what calls us. Everybody has a goal of some sort to do something more, bigger, better. Yep. And so if
TREVOR YOUNG:that
Mell B:is a driver, I'm going to say that's what causes and why, but that is one of my definitions of why we're here on earth. And so reaching out to an influencer, reaching out to a, what we perceive as a high ticket or a high perceived value, platform, that can be scary because I might be rejected.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:It's no different from dating. The fear of rejection is a fundamental fear of humans. That's what if they don't like me drives most of our decisions before we hit hit the publish, send, go button. That's the biggest problem we need to catch ourselves from a mindset point of view is, am I holding myself back? Am I pulling the punch of hitting mail, hitting publish, hitting send because I'm worried that they won't like me or they won't accept it, which often as you will probably talk about frequently, has 0 or very 2% to do with you and your article.
Mell B:It's often about timing, topics, social things that's happening. It's often around the follow-up, which also takes courage. I've been rejected twice. I don't wanna follow-up a third time. That's where the power is.
Mell B:Sometimes, I've heard the strategy from speaking bureaus that if you're not if you're serious, you will follow-up more than twice. That was insightful. They're testing you to see how serious you are, how how dedicated you are to your topic.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:So the the visibility reach, fear that we have that holds us back, let's let's call it sabotage. If you've written the article, but you're not publishing it, you're not releasing it, it's a form of self sabotage. It's a crazy safety mechanism that is not serving us.
TREVOR YOUNG:So we look at let's let's unpack a couple of these. So we've got rejection. Now we've added another layer of self sabotaging. So fear of rejection. And if you're in business, you're going to be rejected all the time, of course.
TREVOR YOUNG:But this is a little different part of the business. So fear of rejection, being concerned about what people will say, about know, whether you're going to get a little puke emoji. And I think as an you did, touch on it earlier, Mel. The the the a little bit on top of that is that if someone comes at you, not in a bad way so the fear of what people will say, there could be, you know, trolls or whatever. And in my experience, that never eventuates.
TREVOR YOUNG:So, you know, rich so rarely do we see it. But then
Mell B:clients have had to coach through nasty trolling. So it does happen.
TREVOR YOUNG:It does happen. Yeah. But it's it's sometimes not as big as what you you know? If you if you read the media, then every time you go on social media, you're gonna get trolled. It doesn't happen.
TREVOR YOUNG:But then the next layer in is what abouts is someone who's a legit player in your industry challenges you on your thinking. And that's that's not trolling. That's just advancing the conversation, and they're doing exactly what you're doing. They're just doing it off the back of what you've said. They've probably been putting out their view as well.
TREVOR YOUNG:So you see, there there's that is a is an issue as well. And and that comes back to, I guess, self confidence.
Mell B:Totally. I had one just this week who I talk a lot about using intuition, gut instinct in decision making, critical thinking. And, the person pretty much disagreed with what I shared in the middle of a conversation like this. And I was like, but didn't wasn't honor didn't honor the conversation to say, and now what do you wanna say in response? They're just kinda like, no.
Mell B:I disagree with that even though I had an a nuance difference of the what they have responded with. So it does take confidence to stand up. I decided it wasn't worth the the squeeze. It's like, you have a different opinion. You're not actually open to a conversation.
Mell B:You're just shutting down my thoughts with yours. You just change the conversation. They delivered what they wanted to say, changed the subject. I could have brought it back, but it's like, you know what? That's your opinion.
Mell B:That's fine. I have a different one. I'm gonna stay committed to where I wanna take my messages, and that conversation is not what I'm gonna promote. I have a different conversation perspective. So it's having, as you said, that confidence, but then the commitment to what is my path?
Mell B:What is my lane? What are my thoughts? What difference do I wanna make? What impact am I here to leave and create? That's actually way more important than a wounded ego, so we have a different opinion.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep. Does, fear of recognition ever pop up? Actually, you know, fear of even not so much fear of success. I know that's an issue, but you can't just be successful like this, but, maybe eventually, but fear of recognition, fear of fear of being seen, and, when you're probably being a bit more in the back room, or is that just manifest itself in all the other things?
Mell B:Fear of recognition, that hasn't actually come up. It's been more of, what does the recognition mean? It's it's like a surface you know, people like I'm sad or angry. That's actually a surface level feeling. There's there's usually something else underneath it.
Mell B:So the recognition, what is the fear of being recognized about? Again, it comes back to being called out, that you're actually not qualified to be talking on this stuff. The the sense of worthiness in a whole myriad of reasons usually underpins. So the fear of recognition, that visibility, block that's causing us to hold back, that is often comes from something else, and that's why we have to kind of really explore ourselves.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:We have to look within, go, well, what does that recognition if I wanna label it that, what am I afraid will happen from that recognition? That's usually the cause.
TREVOR YOUNG:Right. Okay.
Mell B:Usually some made up BS in our mind from our ego
TREVOR YOUNG:Yeah.
Mell B:Our protective mechanisms.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yeah. It's, it's funny how a lot of these different things manifest in different ways, but it probably comes back to, only a couple of, core things that that might be the issue. So I guess it's, just trying to sort of tighten up on a bit of this before we go into probably more solution stuff now. What what can we do about it? Number 1 is the people that don't wanna go out there and do anything, and really need to because they've, you know, if you're running a business, there's that part of it, but also, you know, why hold back?
TREVOR YOUNG:Why not have an abundance mindset and you know, share your ideas and your insights with the world anyway, but it's going to help your business and your professional personal brand, which will help your business. So you've got that side of things. And then you've got, I guess, the next layer in is people pulling their punches. So they're actually out there doing stuff. So they've they've made that commitment.
TREVOR YOUNG:They're putting the YouTube video out. They've created the podcast. They're, you know, writing articles and posts on on LinkedIn, etcetera, but they're pulling their punches, and they're not going, they're not going as hard as they should be and they know. And they're probably skirting around the vanilla edges of creating content. So if we I don't know if we wanna sort of tackle those 2 together, whether they've they're quite similar.
TREVOR YOUNG:I think maybe they are. But I'll I'll, I'll let you unpack that a little bit more. But if people are probably going to be in one of those cases, for example, if they're holding themselves back, what are some, I guess, strategies, ideas, tips have you got for people who might find themselves in that position and, and they're stuck. They're stuck.
Mell B:I'd like to take it one step back a little and the why. So we've kind of talked on it a little bit about some of the reasons why we're thinking the way we feel.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:But I wanna go into more, a a slightly different reason of why, and that is what I specialize in about the emotions of being an empath. Now I recognize most people don't understand what being an empath is or have a version of it that may not make much sense. So let me help understand that a little. Yep. We are all born with the ability to feel and connect with the people and the environment around us.
Mell B:That is not pseudoscience. That is a real survival mechanism that all humans are born with. What happens along the way I'm gonna give some examples. What happens along the way is we are taught and raised in an environment generally in the western world to be industrial and to be productive. And anything that doesn't fit those categories is generally that's woo woo, that's not necessary.
Mell B:It's not medical. It can't be proven. It's not science. But firstly, about the science thing, what is an MRI scanner? It is something that measures the frequency and density of the body.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:The MRI scanner is the size behind frequency. X rays, they are all waves of frequency that measure and create pictures of the human body in immense detail nowadays. So people's like, oh, that frequency language stuff, science is completely based on it. Your life depends on it. We are energy beings, and we use energy to resonate and connect with the world around us.
Mell B:Now let me make that a bit more simplistic. I was on a summit last week, and one of the individuals was saying, I'm not really sure about this empathy thing. I'm not sure that I'm an empath. In fact, I actually would put myself into the non emotive robot category, which made everyone laugh, of course. And so I just let him talk through, and then and he said, but I have noticed since I had kids a couple of years ago, I I I am able to take my walls down to protect sorry, and connect with my children a little bit more because I wanna have a connection with them.
Mell B:I wanna know what they're feeling and experiencing in the world. I wanna be a better, more, emotive father to these children. Again, let them talk. And then I I changed the subject and said, does anybody else feel that they feel too much? Which is what most people think of as empaths.
Mell B:And I I'm gonna bring this back to the business, I promise. Yep. So quite a few people are like, yes, I'm an empath, and I really struggle to show up in society as a highly sensitive person because I feel everything that's going around me. And I I I think I have some anxiety. I have a little bit of paranoia about what's going on around people.
Mell B:And it's refer back to the gentleman's like, so they would actually like to know what you have learned and you don't even acknowledge. You have learned how to protect yourself so much you think you're a robot. You have adapted your skills so well that you can completely block off and protect yourself. They want to learn that. You're actually more advanced.
Mell B:It's not woo woo. It's our energy protective system that we don't necessarily understand how it fits into our everyday life. We do it. We've learned it. He grew up with an individual, in his home environment that made it difficult.
Mell B:So he learned how to protect himself emotionally, it turned out. Because there was too much emotion, anxiety in his childhood. So he learned how to shut himself off from that to protect himself. What's woo woo by that? That's completely normal.
Mell B:That's called being a human. Now how does that play out in in visibility and PR? The same sorts of things can happen. We put down a barrier, so the reason we're not sending is I'm worried I'm going to feel judgment from the person I'm I'm reaching out to. I'm worried that if I put this out there, I'm gonna get all this hate energy back at me through trolls or judgments or whatever.
Mell B:The reason we are holding ourselves back sometimes is if we're an empath that isn't empowered enough to understand that we are very sensitive to the things around us, and we'd rather just stay quiet or stay home or not publish ourselves because we feel so deeply the world around us. Does that make sense around some of the why we're sabotaging? We've got the mind going on, but it could all actually be part of our emotional sensors that we're protecting as well. Do you want some questions on that before we go into solutions?
TREVOR YOUNG:No. Let's just keep going. I think the whole thing around empathy too. So you're basically when you say someone's an empath, that that they're more prone to empathy. Is that what you're is that what's
Mell B:your question? Choosing to express or be in the energy or the emotion of being empathetic is a choice.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:Being compassionate is a choice. Being an empath is not. We are that way. It's like you can't choose to be ADHD. It is who you are.
Mell B:It's part of you. The challenge is to make it a skill and a gift, and we know that that that society is accepting that people on spectrum, for example, are very gifted at different parts that society needs more of that used to make it wrong. Highly sensitive people have a lot to offer, especially when they've mastered it, especially when they know how to leverage it, how to, protect it. So moving into the solutions. I've already given one example.
Mell B:Yeah. Go ahead.
TREVOR YOUNG:I was just gonna say, in your in your experience, I mean, I'm gonna just say there's an empathy or an empath, you know, out of 10. Most people on that on that ladder, you know, there's there's gotta be people who are 10 out of 10 is in terms of empathy and, you know, very sensitive, very aware, very compassionate, then but then you'll get people dropping down who, you know, 20% of them are I don't wanna put it into percentages, but I'm just trying to get a handle on what do you think when people come to you, are they are they empathetic, overly empathetic, or underly empathetic, or what where where do they sort of sit in that space, and why is it affecting them?
Mell B:The people who usually come to me, have an awareness that they are empathic, which is different from being empathetic. Empathic are the empaths. And it they are starting to have significant awareness that it's holding them back.
TREVOR YOUNG:Right.
Mell B:We're starting to recognize that they're not doing the visibility pieces. They recognize that there's something to be learned here, and they reach out, like, I wanna be more in control of my sensitivities, of which there can be 9, but we're not gonna unpack that today. No. There are 9 receptors, 9 ways that empaths can feel and sense the world around them. Most people think it's just that one and it's the emotions.
Mell B:There's so much more. So to answer your question, most of the population, shall we say, 70% know that they resonate, feel, they they connect with people. You can't have friendships unless there's connection. You can't experience love unless there's connection. You have some level of being empathic.
Mell B:You can if we talk about examples of childhood, you can mothers have this intuitive instinct about their child being in danger or something's wrong. We talk about gut instinct. Richard Branson, Elon Musk, Steve Jobs, all credit their intuitive gut instinct as part of their success. So we use the language. We're aware of the language.
Mell B:We all know when we have not paid attention to our gut instinct. We had this little red flag waving in our mind, and we've gone ahead with something and gone, damn it. I knew. I knew something wasn't right about that. My little spidey senses were going off, and I ignored it.
Mell B:That's your intuition.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:Your question is how many people know how to master it perhaps, or how many people know that they can up level it and make it into a skill? No different from an athlete who's born with a certain aptitude, who's tuned it up to be a professional athlete.
TREVOR YOUNG:Right.
Mell B:It's a skill. You can ignore it. It can lay dormant. But if you amplify it and you really work with it, life gets easier because then you can protect yourself. If we talk about the solutions, that gentleman was the example.
Mell B:He knew how to protect himself. As coaches, especially, the trauma or those people working with conflict in life, it's really important to be able to protect ourselves from what we're being exposed to and the emotions that a client's showing up with. I've done my trench time with the trauma for the 1st 4 or 5 years of my, coaching work years ago. And I had to learn pretty damn fast, and we were taught, how to protect ourselves so that we can be present and hear and choose to have empathy, but not get caught up in the emotion. Be detached, but be compassionate at the same time.
Mell B:That's a skill, and it's a skill everybody can learn. So to answer your question, there's a lot of people who may think they're sensitive, who may think they're, I think I've got this intuitive thing. I do pay attention to it. Can I do more with this? They're the people that really can leverage it for good in their business.
TREVOR YOUNG:Right. But it can also affect them. Again, bringing it back to visibility, putting yourself out there, if you don't, I guess, harness it or know where you sit on that, it can it can probably have an effect, which leads you to leads us you know, you as you were going, I think I took you off. I took you off the, track there a little bit. But, so bring that back to, you know, what are some things people can do to, you know, to try and be more aware of their situation and their their their feelings and and why they're pulling their punches?
Mell B:Self awareness, I think, is the number one skill of life.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:Knowing that I mean, often with coaching or accountability or bodying or however you do business with fellow anybody's, having that awareness that I was supposed to hit submit, I have not done it yet. Why? And we're so busy in our lives that we just move on to the next thing on our to do list and realize that that thing's still there. It's drafted. It's 95% ready to go.
Mell B:Whatever stage of readiness it's at, why is it still not set? It takes inner reflection. It takes courage to go within and self inquire and think, actually, I'm worried that somebody might disagree with me. And if somebody disagrees with me, I'm gonna feel like a failure because whatever the reason you're afraid of being disagreed with and what that means to you as an individual.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:So the self awareness is the first thing. It the answers may sound like room, but I hope I've given enough kind of, reference that being able to put up some sort of wall shield guard. Some people talk about bubbles. Whatever it is may sound boo boo, but here's the physical explanation I like to give. When you meet someone for the first time, we have a, a a a circumference area around our being that we like to have somebody in front of us.
Mell B:That area is our you talk about comfort zone, that's our physical comfort zone. How far close to somebody do we, a stranger, do we like to be when we first meet them? That is where you can create and you already have some sort of shield because you will have a shield here. Because if somebody comes into your space here, you take a step back. There's this frequency push.
Mell B:That's not woo. You literally are uncomfortable. There is something. It makes you feel the way that you act on. So you can use that very basic knowledge of that's too close for comfort.
Mell B:That's a wall of protection that your psyche has created for your energy field. We feel somebody come up and you will literally step away and pull away because you feel unsafe. So how do you protect it? Being aware. I have been networking, and there's some individuals, you know, who've got the ones that we're like, oh, I don't wanna be cornered by that person again.
Mell B:I play with this, and I'm like, oh, shields up. I just imagine, like, the sci fi movies. I just put up this invisible wall, and I have seen it at least 5 or 6 times where the person's walking towards me, and they veer off when I like, shields up, and it's like they don't see me. They just change direction. It is so fun to play with.
Mell B:Have a play with that. Again, it might sound weird and woo woo. So what? What have you got to lose? Have a play with your own reality, your own energy field.
Mell B:See what happens. For the overwhelm, for the emotional, the curse that some people say, it's like, I can't leave the house. I just get overwhelmed with everything that's going on around me. I am too sensitive. I really struggle.
Mell B:It it pains me to hear when people say I'm too sensitive. You're not too sensitive. You just haven't learned how to protect or purge the energy that you're absorbing. You know, to sense of, you're amazing human being. You should be celebrating your skill and your gift.
Mell B:You are highly tuned to the world around you, but it is not tuned up or tuned into what you want to feel. If you are suffering the curse of being an empath, perhaps you need to learn how to tune out, protect from all the low frequencies generally that people are experiencing. It's like, I wanna feel all people's bullshit. I don't wanna feel all people's anxiety. I wanna feel all the negative drama that's going on.
Mell B:Great. Let's work on that. Let's master your defense system against those frequencies. I just want the happy people because happy people attract happy people. Thoughts?
Mell B:I can see your brain whirling there.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yeah. Well, I I think that that's that's a key, and we we you know, there's a a an old saying called your vibe attracts your tribe. Mhmm. And this has been sort of an online thing for going back since early days of social media, and I I think it it absolutely still holds true is that you unless you're, you know, wanting to be an influencer with millions of followers, which is, you know, a road to nowhere, at the end of the days, we don't need to attract everyone to our business, our personal brand. We just need to attract the right people, and that is you know, there there could be some indefinable things about your vibe and but I I I always unpack it and say, well, what's your philosophy and your can you get your philosophy out there about your way of thinking and doing things relative to your industry, your profession, your expertise?
TREVOR YOUNG:What are your values and your principles, for example?
Mell B:Yep.
TREVOR YOUNG:And and being able to weave them in your content and your stories and, you know, your videos or whatever you speak about. And that's going to repel people and attract the right people. And the stronger you are on that, and that's where you you don't just snap your fingers and this happens. You learn it over time. But the stronger you are in in your story, your message, your beliefs, your principles, your values, and if that comes out in your speaking, your presentations, your interviews, your, you know, podcasts, your YouTube, whatever you're doing, your writing, then you're going to start attracting the right people.
TREVOR YOUNG:And, yes, you will the word's a bit strong. Repel. You're filtering out, the people who probably don't really believe in you and they're the ones who aren't going to be doing business with you or referring people to you anyway. So So that's why I'm I think it's really important to understand that side of things, which is, you know, aligned with what you're saying is understanding yourself. And, but then being able to express that, in how you put yourself out in the world.
Mell B:What would you say I feel I've done a lot of talk, and I'd like to hear from you. What would you say underpins a personal brand?
TREVOR YOUNG:Exactly those things, I think. I think, your personal brand really is who you are and how you wanna show up in the world authentically. I know that word authentically gets bandied around a bit, but it's, I think it does come back to your values and your principles and the way you go about things. And that is, that should be expressed. You know, you get people saying, I'm going to craft a personal brand or create this personal brand.
TREVOR YOUNG:And they're creating a persona of what they think that they how they think they should look in the marketplace. And that's a road to nowhere because it's not you and you're going to trip yourself up at some point. It's but if you personal branding is really inherently knowing yourself, the value you bring to the table, your values, your principles, and putting that out there. And sounds weird. Your personal brand is just being yourself out there, but it's probably how personal branding then is how you express that.
TREVOR YOUNG:So it might be in the in the photography that's, you know, done your your photography for all your social media and your website. It could be, you know, the way you dress. Some people are, you know, are very bright and that parlays into their, you know, their personality. And we see that visually. The colours that they'll use on their website or their brochures or whatever it is will dictate a lit to a degree, a a visual representation of who they are.
TREVOR YOUNG:But if you don't know who you are, then that visual representation And the And the problem is people, for many years with this whole influencer thing, people are adding veneer to that. And we're not There is a reason why TikTok and raw videos are taking off like crazy because we want to see that. There's a, you know, we want to see rawness and authenticity in real people. There's a reason why live streaming is really popular because, you know, we want to see people trip up and be their real selves and not overly edited and not overly, scripted and that side of things. So, you know, we've seen this for a long time, and that's what social media originally was, being out out there and talking to people and being a bit raw about it.
TREVOR YOUNG:And then it went the other way, and now it's coming back, I think, a bit more to that authenticity as a result of the the whole influencer, and the the fakeness of everything.
Mell B:In response, I entered a competition a couple of years ago. It was a speaking competition, and I didn't win. And the feedback was I was too polished. I was kinda like, what? Why do you think you're too Polish?
Mell B:Like, it's a competition. It's supposed to be slick, isn't it? And they took me a little while. Like, human, the ego wanted to kind of bullshit that that, didn't like it. But when I looked back and had the courage to analyze from that lens of what is too polished, it what I was able to see for myself was that persona of perfection is it it creates a disconnect.
Mell B:Yep. The reader viewer audience can't connect with something that they that is so polished that they're like, oh, I can't be it's like the news reader. It's so slick that it's almost robotic, and I think that's how the AI may become easier to spot because it's gonna be so slick. And those I've got no problem with AI, just to put that, but I think those who are working on themselves to be human with all our flaws and all our quirks and all the things actually we don't like that people don't even see or notice or aware of, that is actually going to be more, that thing, that resonance. Why are we attracted to some channels versus others?
Mell B:Why do we watch some videos versus others? And the truth is you feel a resonance, a connection, you feel something subtle or significant that appeals to you. That's my kind of person or there's just a vibe about them, their essence, whatever the language is. I just feel drawn to them. Charismatic.
Mell B:What is charisma? Authenticity, personified. Yep. Now talking about authentic, I have met a couple of individuals over the years who talk about being authentic, but here's how it what what that doesn't mean. When they are on screen, they're vivacious and they're big and they're being authentically themselves.
Mell B:Yet when you act with them behind scenes and they're speaking to their staff, they're speaking to them disgracefully or derogatory, I'm like, Jesus. Who this speaking to? That's the team members? That's the incongruence that I think social media has allowed us all to tune into. We can spot apparently, the Australians are the best radars in the world for BS.
Mell B:Yep. Now why is that? I'm not sure. We could talk about ancestrally. I don't know.
Mell B:But there are plenty of people who are authentically shitty people, but they're showing up shitty. At least you know what you're getting, and that's gonna go with other people.
TREVOR YOUNG:That's it. I mean, it it I I remember the early days of blogging, and there were people who were, you know, quite strong voices in as a blogger. And you'd go to the conferences and meet them, and they were meek and mild. And there was just a disconnect there. And, you know, there's there are people who are provocative.
TREVOR YOUNG:I know a couple in my industry in the marketing world, and they're very provocative, and they're smart, and they're intelligent, and they're not afraid. They're not afraid. They put their views out there. And when you talk to them, they're the same. They're exactly the same.
TREVOR YOUNG:And you get the others that are, you know, really, you know, sweet and beautiful and all of that sort of stuff. And that's they attract they attract a tribe of people who like that, who like the way they put stuff out and tell their stories and be so open and human. And, you know, probably are really lousy speakers potentially on stage, because they might be painfully shy, but they're going to be loved by their people. And and I'm not saying by any means, when I say broad and authentic, not be professional. And there's times when maybe polish really is required, you know, in a video or, you know, a really important keynote or whatever, you know, and you have to be scripted.
TREVOR YOUNG:If you're gonna give this talk, and you can't mess it up, then there's nothing wrong with having
Mell B:a script.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yes. But I think the thing is that if people can learn not to overcook it and I had a I had a client and and his early videos were in the boardroom, and he wasn't looking at the camera and beautifully lit and shot, and he was in the suit and tie. And and he said no one will watch them. I said, well, they're boring. You know?
TREVOR YOUNG:Your topic's boring. Your persona's boring. You're you're positioning yourself as you think your clients want to want you to be. And then we just started doing YouTube videos with him talking straight to camera with no tie, you know, in his home. Little bit of lighting.
TREVOR YOUNG:Always started improving with some mic and audio and stuff, but, just you could see that gradual improvement. And now he's on TV, and he's killing it on TV. You know, like, he's and his videos went were much better. They're much more interesting and engaging, and and you got to see the real him. And and the real him was really good.
TREVOR YOUNG:And and I love seeing that. And, that's what we want. That's in a content. We want the the real you out there. And we're seeing this on, you know, people fighting this on LinkedIn, particularly.
TREVOR YOUNG:I think LinkedIn's come a long way from that. You know, it used to be so buttoned down. And I guess after COVID, you know, people were dressed more casually. They didn't have to be in the office with a background. They could be at home.
TREVOR YOUNG:Working from home is not a big deal anymore. And so we have loosened up, and LinkedIn did become quite social over COVID, because we reverted to who we were. It did go swung the other day the other way where people were getting great clicks and whatever by trauma dumping and doing stuff that, hey, that's pretty good for Facebook. And even then, I probably wouldn't go that far. But, we're swinging back away from that.
TREVOR YOUNG:I think the algorithm's protecting us from those people who are just doing that. That trauma dumping is the word, but that in quotes, the vulnerability piece, Are they doing it are they genuine and they've been told to do it? Or are they doing it because they want the clicks? I'm cynical. I think, you know, people do it for the clicks.
TREVOR YOUNG:But we're seeing less of that now. But
Mell B:I just wanna respond to that, briefly. Sometimes it can be a cry for help, and that that needs to be, noted and paid attention to. And again, it's tuning into what like, I won't watch certain movies because it just disturbs me. That disruption hangs around for days with, certain, story lines or visuals. So I just don't expose myself to it.
Mell B:But does that mean I can't have empathy for people who are suffering? No. It's when is the right time and how much. I just wanted to say that.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep. Yep. And, yeah, I I see, Paul. I agree with that. There's, I guess it's it's interesting, though, how the algorithm's taken away a lot of that side of things.
TREVOR YOUNG:But we're still seeing good stories. And I think that that's what we want is good stories of people peeling the layers off, And to tell the story, they need to go back and say, well, this is why I did what I did. And, this is, you know, the lessons learned. We're seeing a lot of that. People are actually you know, there are events now where people get up and it's designed where they stuffed up.
TREVOR YOUNG:You know, you're going up your keynote or whatever your talk is the biggest mistake I ever made. And we're starting to see this at really entrepreneurial meetups and at a lower community level. And that's been this whole push around being able to get up there and say that and be vulnerable. But doing it in such a way that there's a lesson learned from it. It's not just about putting it out there for yourself, but what's the audience going?
TREVOR YOUNG:What's the takeout? And I did this, and this is how I grew from it, which is, you know, a very powerful story in many cases. And we're seeing a lot more of that, which is comes across most times as genuine. Again, people trying to do that to game the system, to gain the algorithm. But generally, what I see in that regard is that people are peeling off layers.
TREVOR YOUNG:This is me. This is my experience. This is what I've gone through. And I guess bringing
Mell B:overnight success.
TREVOR YOUNG:That's it. That's it. And and it's the antithesis to this whole bro marketing of, you know, I I got 50,000 followers in 2 months and I made a $1,000,000. It's it's a push against that. And I do know that those bro marketing tactics and everything that are out there are often a reason why people do stick themselves in a box and not come out because they don't want to be like that.
TREVOR YOUNG:So that's yet another reason. But I think this peeling off of layers that we're seeing, in a genuine way, you know, it's allowing people to be more of themselves out there. And I think that that's when it's, you know, maybe that's one way of, you know, people are starting to overcome, well, this is me, this is who I am, you know, take it or leave it. And that's that's a strong position to come from when you put it out there like that.
Mell B:And to give a bit more of this, how do you do that in a way that is safe or comfortable? You know, we talk about self care, and what what's a simpler way of understanding what that thing is? What makes you feel good? That's self care. I'm not talking about massages and all those beautiful things, but what makes me feel safe to do this?
Mell B:Is it as I push go, I'm gonna have my coach or I'm gonna have my business bestie on the phone going, I have to hit send to Forbes. Ah, I've crappered myself. And having that support mechanism on the phone as you go. That's funny. I'm holding my phone like the old fashioned phones instead of my mobile phone.
Mell B:Anyhoo, the self care around if I put this newspaper article out to the Sunday mail or whatever it's going to be, and it gets taken up, what what will help me manage my emotions? There's a reason famous people, the celebrities, have a team because they're the filter. They will read the newspapers. They will take whatever the the mainstream success is, and they will filter it through for the celebrity. No.
Mell B:You know what? This was taken all out of context. You don't even need to see this. That's what we need to do. That's self care.
Mell B:What do I need to do to be okay with whatever this visibility piece is today? Don't know when it's gonna come out, but as soon as it comes out, I'm calling my mom. I'm calling, Colin, whatever it needs to be.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep. And I I tell you what, I mean, it's I I will say this, and, again, this is me peeling off layers. But, you know, having, you know, I'm an ex journalist, so I used to write the stories and I know the space incredibly well. But then when I started in social backtrack a bit, I ran a PR firm and was a consultant for decades. Then when I started, putting my content out there and blogging and being on social media, I started getting noticed and outside of my marketing industry and in broader, business circles and being asked to speak and, you know, all the things that I didn't want to do.
TREVOR YOUNG:And but I also got the media on the phone to me. Can I quote this? Can can we ask you a question about this being quoted? Right down to being on, you know, news programs, on the camera, in the studio, with the spotlight on you. And there's nothing more terrifying, particularly when you're, I guess, like me, you've been in the background, then being upfront is can be a scary thing, but you've got to eat your own dog food, surely.
TREVOR YOUNG:But, you know, that doesn't get easy for anyone, even if you know the game and you've been in it. And you you know, still to stick you out self out the front is not that easy. And when I've been quoted so I know that I've rung the journalist. Right? And you think you've done a good job, but, you know, their quotes may have misquoted you.
TREVOR YOUNG:There's every chance you've been misquoted. They're only human. They're not doing it on purpose. And then you pick up the paper or look at the online thing when it comes out and your heart does skip a beat. Absolutely will skip a beat before you look at it.
TREVOR YOUNG:And am I going to be misquoted? Am I going to be whatever, whatever, whatever? Now I can always say, I don't want to be in this and just say no. And, you know, sometimes I do say no to interviews if they're not right and the topic's not right and it doesn't work for me. But in the case if it's a, you know, it's a national newspaper and they wanna talk to you and you're gonna get this visibility and add a bit of value to the story, then you do it.
TREVOR YOUNG:But I've gotta tell you, your heart's in the mouth when the paper comes out. Absolutely.
Mell B:And that's where having that support and that mechanism, whatever that is for you, go off go off the continent if you have to leave the country, whatever it needs to self care. But then when you have built your resilience enough to look at it or read it or address it, it's okay. What's the real reality of being this this misquote? This they're taking all that like, what's the worst case? And sometimes doing this activity before you hit submit is, some I used to do this back in my trauma day.
Mell B:Well, what's the worst case? Let's plan for that.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:Okay. My husband might leave me. Okay. Let's plan for that. Often that doesn't happen, but because you're prepared, your confidence is higher to deal with it.
Mell B:Yep. Secondly, if you have had some negative misquotes, whatever it is, not turn out the way you want, being able to recognize that is it really the end of the world? Who really
TREVOR YOUNG:Yeah.
Mell B:Really is going to see this? Are they the people that you deeply care about? Firstly, will they even understand or believe what's being said?
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:Secondly, if it's strangers and it's been taken out of context, well, if they wanna believe that that's why I don't pay any attention to the gossips, anything to do with celebrities. There's always an angle. I don't believe anything until I hear it from the horse's mouth. Yep. People are having this little, you know, needs and what's his name?
Mell B:Harry. Everybody had an opinion. None of us know the truth. None of us. Yep.
Mell B:Just opinions, perspectives. So do you think they are really paying attention to every piece of negative comment? Because there's a bunch of strangers judging you. They don't know you. They don't know the situation regardless of what's printed or published.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:That takes a lot of strength of character
TREVOR YOUNG:Yes.
Mell B:And maybe some practice to get to that place of resilience going, well, these are strangers. They don't know me. Therefore, I'm not going to give overly my worrying energy, which is stopping me today from doing the next thing that I need to be focusing on
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep.
Mell B:Or preparing a better piece in response.
TREVOR YOUNG:So there's 2 parts. The resilience is once you've gone out there and done it and been strong enough that, okay. This is fine or it's not as didn't come out as well as I wanted or or hallelujah. This is fantastic. I don't need to be resilient because
Mell B:this is
TREVOR YOUNG:the best place ever, and everyone loves it, and they're all sharing it. And that's that's, you know, that's where we wanna be. So resilience is is one part once you are putting yourself out there. And in in the one in advance is that there's a little bit more to unpack there, whether it's, you've got to identify really what is holding you back, just trying to circle back to everything and cogently summarize in one sentence, this conversation. But, you know, as we said at the outset, there are a number of little, not little things, there are a number of things that will hold you back, and, you really need to dig a bit deeper and find out work out why in that.
Mell B:Yeah. Ultimately, that self awareness or in any leadership role, whether you're supervisor dealing with conflict or avoiding the conflict in the workplace, whether there's troubles at home, everything in life comes back to what am I avoiding and why.
TREVOR YOUNG:Yep. That's it. That's it. Awesome. Mel b, not Spice Girl Mel b.
Mell B:The other Mel b with 2 l's.
TREVOR YOUNG:The other Mel b. Yes. Who's who's the real Mel b? You should, have a social
Mell B:Mill of color. So I deeply admire or what I've seen talking about credibility and, you know, what I've read and what I've seen. I love Mel b of color. She's awesome. I'm Mel with 2 l's.
TREVOR YOUNG:That's it. Mel with 2 l's. What's the best way people can find you and not end up with Spice Girls?
Mell B:Well, it depends on what you're looking for. If you want my website, literally, melb.com. There's a bunch of free resources in there for empaths. Yep. Or all the social channels if you search Melby Mel with 2 l's, Battle News.
TREVOR YOUNG:2 l's.
Mell B:You should find me bright orange, then you should find me.
TREVOR YOUNG:Excellent. Thank you very much. This has been a a really wide reaching and and quite deep in parts, which is really good to to be able to dig into this, this topic that I know affects a lot of people. And I thank you very much for your time and generosity in sharing your ideas, insights, and expertise.
Mell B:Thank you for the opportunity.